Category: Stress

This sucks. I know some people consider that a curse word but there’s no other way to put it.

(If you’ve been through this with a beloved pet I’m going to warn you now this may bring back memories and not necessarily pleasant ones…don’t read if you are affected easily)

I’m on second day and everywhere I look, everything reminds me of him. Everything I do…every daily routine…there’s a hole.

Started this morning with my alarm randomly deciding not to go off and he wasn’t my backup. He used to start walking around me, making sure to get close enough to my head the second or third loop to step on my hair. Somehow he managed to stiff leg himself and thump thump thump pointedly by…whereas normally you barely noticed he was there.

There was no “get up now” paw to my head…then to my nose.. and if I really ignored him I’d get a soft paw on the eyelid. Next up would be a single lick to the head…then cheek…then nose…and I learned quick not to let it get to the eyelid. Nothing weirder I can think of than having a cat lick your eyelid at 5am!

Now I’m up and in the bathroom. There’s no one sitting at my feet waiting for me to pet his head and remember to change his water. No one dashing ahead of me out of the door to the kitchen.

Even the routine of feeding the dogs is different. Used to be, they got fed and back in their play area while I fed him, and then they got to get their Kongs outside. This morning I brought them in and realized…now there’s no reason to put them in the pen. I did anyway but it was odd.

Every time I eat, I’m not being given undivided attention by a pair of yellow eyes. No paw patting me on the arm or leg asking for a taste or seven or heck, the whole thing. At lunch I tossed my paper plate on the ground for him to clean off and felt like the world’s biggest idiot .

Decided to try and take a nap to maybe forget for a little while how I was feeling…laid down on the couch and found myself making room for him to join me. We took naps many times together with him at my feet, against my leg, or curled up against my stomach. This time…I just couldn’t do it and gave up on a nap.

It’s put trash out day so I decided to dump his litterbox…and found out I couldn’t. I just couldn’t throw it away when I could see the little divots his paws made in the silica litter. I felt dumb…I can’t keep a litterbox….so I compromised. Got a baggie and scooped up the clean litter where his paw divots were. The rest went out and the baggie went back in the box until I can let that go too. It’s clean litter, I had just changed it.

Seeing his spot on top of some boxes I made into steps for him to see out of the window was breaking my heart every time I walked by. I decided to clean up and rearrange the stuff there…and broke down when a clump of his loose fur was in the corner. I am dreading house cleaning as I know how much fur is still around.

Dinner time was quiet and I had to throw away my crumbs and remembered not to drop my plate on the floor. Went to take a bath and put my towel on the tub like I always did so he could jump up without sliding off and then realized what I was doing. The last few years, Rudy loved to sit on the side of the tub and I would wipe him down with wet hands and rub his fur until he was slightly damp. Then he’d spend the next half hour putting his fur back in order while I got ready for bed. I figured he had trouble reaching some areas and appreciated the help.

Now it’s bedtime. Caught myself waiting for him to run down the hallway for his nightly snack of treats. Found myself looking down coming out of the bathroom so I didn’t trip on him. Worst of all…I’m laying in bed realizing I’m waiting for him to join me.

I know this is going to take some time…but in the meantime…this Sucks. Capital S.

I miss you buddy.

Sick cat part 2, even worse!

By nsmar4211

On August 10, 2022

In Animal Health, Cats and Dogs, Stress

Day 2. I woke up and Rudy was sleeping on the floor-odd for him as he preferred soft surfaces and was usually either in my bed, my chair, or my laundry basked. I took care of the dogs as usual and checked his litter box…nothing. Not even much pee. Usually he drank water like a camel and peed twice as much. He got his third dose at 8am and was really not happy with it.

He still had not asked for food…and that was always my tipping point. I always told myself if he stopped eating that would be when I would know it was time to let go.

I offered him some beef broth, he turned and walked away. I tried heating it up, same thing. I finally opened a can of canned chicken meat and offered him the juice. He did drink all of that but stopped and didn’t want anything else…even more juice or chicken broth. This is the cat I fondly called “a stomach on four legs” or “self propelled eating machine”…refusing food.

This is when I realized we were in trouble. His stomach was now tight and when he laid on his side looked like a small basketball. He was walking a weird high step walk, I’m thinking from the pain/bloating. He would not jump up onto his favorite window spot and barely made it up onto the couch. He had only groomed a small part of his side. I got the brush out and brushed him shiny while listening to him purr. I decided to spend the day hanging out with him and everything else would have to wait.

What did we do? We took a long nap on the couch…him sleeping more than me. Watched a movie (I can’t remember what). I petted and cuddled him until he had enough and put his paw on my face and then we went back to just being on the couch. His breathing was getting harder and the suspected nasal polyp was making him “snore” even when awake. He was obviously uncomfortable and not happy.

At my lunch time he finally expressed a real interest in something….my steak. It was delicious and smelled great and he kept putting his paw on my arm and staring at me…I was happy to see his old self shine through for a little while. Heading the vet’s advice but having a bad feeling about how the day was going to go, I gave him a tiny sliver of the fat and let him have the juice of the plate. He only wanted one of the two slivers I offered him, when normally we’d be sharing it a lot more.

Then I got out an ice cream bar…strawberry shortcake type. He sat next to me looking at it…when I realized it was technically not a solid food I let him have some. And he took full advantage and licked half away! I said well, what the heck…and got another one to share.

By the time half of that had been licked clean, it was time for the vet visit. I put him in the carrier and headed back into town.

This time I only had a wait a couple of minutes before they came in and took him back for a follow up x-ray. Upon hearing the news that nothing had come out, and he wasn’t asking for his food, the vet tried to hide his wince but I noted it.

A couple of minutes later he came back in without my kitty and asked me to come look at the x-ray. With a sinking feeling I followed him. Rudy was still on the table looking at me with huge eyes while the vet assistant was petting him. I took one look at the x-ray and my heart fell… It showed oversized air filled intestines and even looked like it was pushing into the lung area. The vet pointed to one area and said “he’s developed mega colon”.

I’ll admit it…I started crying right there. I knew there was no easy coming back once this had developed. I had a good idea of the seriousness of it from my research into it in rabbits. Rudy was looking at me with even bigger eyes so I picked him up over my shoulder like he liked to be carried and tried to talk to the vet through tears. I asked again, just in case, if there was anything other than surgery…vet said the lack of fecal matter after that much laxative meant the medicine path wasn’t going to work. By then I was having a lot of trouble talking due to being upset so we went back into the examination room.

Once there, I was able to calm myself down enough to talk. Once again we discussed surgery and the risks and unlikely positive outcome at his age and condition. I looked at the vet and said OK, then it’s time. He asked me if I wanted to take him home and let anyone say goodbye and bring him back tomorrow. The look on my face must’ve been like shock and I blurted out the first thing in my mind-“he’s in pain, how can I knowingly let him suffer like this longer????? Who would do that?!?!?! “The vet looked at the assistant and said ok, we’ll be back.

I have to stop here. The next part is not for the faint of heart and breaks mine just trying to write it. But the decision had been made.

Category: Stress

The emotional pain of losing my beloved cat…not reading for the weak hearted

Sick cat part 2, even worse!